Somewhere between
that veil of Sleep and Wake is where I feel I fit in best, other than that brief instant at a Mother Hips show when sometimes, sometimes I escape into a place of pure Bliss. It isn’t at every show, but it happens more there than anywhere in my life in the last decade, so I attribute it to the sacred spell music puts us under. Realizing I have a very high standard, these moments of Bliss are infrequent at best, hence my attending as many Hips shows as I can to up the odds a bit.
So
back to my sleep – the whole point of that was that despite this Place Where I Fit In Best, I awoke two minutes before the alarm went off – 5:11. I don’t get it. I really wanted to avoid yoga, thinking Justification Two – “Fuck It”, but the guilt would have been insurmountable, so up and at ‘em…and ya know, it felt really good.
Dropped the kids off at school, treating them to a little Buffalo Springfield and then off to my first two clients at work. I realize how great a life I had and my kids have when I come into contact with these clients…and it so often breaks my heart. While working in the non-profit industry is no way to that private island, I honestly don’t know that I can ever leave it completely. Private practice, and part time NP (insurance purposes)? Headed up the hill, did some work, headed back down the hell for my final two clients. Just as we were leaving, an accident took place just in front of our office – so glad it wasn’t my colleague. Life can change that quickly.
Home in a near comatose state. Tests all came back well, no cancer, no nothing – great blood pressure, lungs of a 17 year old, great heartbeat, yet I feel drugggggedddd, as if someone popped some rufies in my water. It isn’t my body getting re-accustomed to my SSRI – I have been on those for decades. This is something different. I think it’s tedium.
Sitting on my beautiful deck after dinner, listening to the whirling of the air conditioners. June 1 and I think it hit 100. Yes, I know I’m from Texas, no I do not like hot weather. “ You can always get warmed up but you can only get so naked” is what I’ve been saying since my mid
-twenties, when I still lived in Texas. Random thought – I took off all of my bumper stickers from my car (not the bus, though – she is different) because I notice how rather than expressing thoughts or ideas, bumper stickers often promote hate and violence. The thing is – it is two sides of the same coin – is it a duck or a rabbit? I am calmer when I see a plain car with no bumper stickers. Ohhhhmmmmmmmm……
Pictures: The view of my Wicked Tree from the deck. See her smiling at me? Car accident; Rabbit or a duck?
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