I’m always waking up early. Trying to quickly force the calendar to think about what is going on without getting the brain too excited (and therefore awake) is difficult to do, but today I did just that and slept until 8ish. I was fortunate enough to awaken to the scene of The Thornbirds in which Mary has died and flies are swarming her corpse. It’s kinda been like that in my kitchen. Three days ago there were over 10 flies(Ethan smashed them with a rolled up newspaper). Two days ago there were 20+ (I smashed them with a rolled up newspaper). Yesterday there were over 40 (I bought 2 flyswatters and went to town – twice). Today, there were 60+ so I said “fuck this shit” and drove to buy fly spray. 
Mother Hips show in San Rafael – I met my friends Joe and Kendra (she is from Lubbock!) there and saw many others. Because I was “still not 100%”, I was ok’d to sit with Evan at the sound board – with was pretty rad. He explained about EMI, EQ and ba
lance – all very complicated stuff and I understood about -.5 %. That’s why I’m not running the mixes. Amazing show – incredible music. These shows are so bittersweet to me – the place I want to be at most and yet…and yet. Fucker.
What does one do when has a child and is intercepting text messages…text messages which allow me a window into my child’s world and show me that sneaking out is still “a thing.”? I snuck out. I snuck out a hell of a lot. Initially it was kid stuff like TPing houses or that one time that boy I loved SO much snuck over. He was wearing Halston Z-14 and I was so nervous – I got us chocolate Jello Pudding pops (No Cosby referenc
es, please). He kissed me…. Oh my goodness, how my world swirled that night. That was the innocent part. Then, post head-injury, the sneaking out got much more severe. Alcohol, pot (with the nicer folks) to alcohol, forced to do cocaine and being raped with the not-so-nice guys. That was the not-so innocent part. I know my son – being in recovery, I have talked to my kids their entire lives about drugs/alcohol/sex openly and the consequences of choices. We all make them, we all experience them. I sent him a text last night from the Hips show asking him if he was being careful. He answered back later “yeah.”
Wha
t shall I do? I will have a talk with him later, a gentle talk…an honest talk. This is the beginning of his road and I do not want to slam the door shut in terms of communication when it comes to serious stuff that I pray he will talk to me about. This is a part of growing up, of pushing the limits and seeing what happens. This is growing OUT.
And so…
Pictures: Maggie’s wisdom(“Never Give Up”), Ethan’s graduation flowers (which he hasn’t seen yet), and my Life Source (The Mother Hips); “There’s some boys I know, that play that rock ‘n roll”; Set list and pretty lights; My sisters; Terrapin Crossroads.
tribeoftrio.com 