I did something that I have never done before: after I drop the kids off at school – (Maggie at 7 and Ethan at 8), I took a melatonin and went back to sleep for a little bit. During this time of slumber, I am thrilled to report that I had sex for the first time in forever. This guy with a full-on beard was helping me set up digital photographs, he kissed me and nature took its course. I didn’t dream about the actual act of sex, of course, but I do remember what happens after going to first base, so I put the pieces together myself. So damn sad…I can barely get laid in my dreams.
After I awoke, I prepared to go visit Sabrina and help support her family. I wanted to pick up a card and some flowers, but every place I visited had no flowers. I’ve never quite understood the purpose of flowers, anyway. When I die – use the flower money to go eat or get an ice cream with your loved ones, instead. When I arrived, I was shocked. I had expected the machines and ventilator. I didn’t expect to see her trembling the way she was – this girl I had seen a week prior on a field. Her mom – Kris, was there and gave me her hand, so I held it and told her Ethan and Maggie sent their love and to fight back. But of course…she couldn’t. I spoke with Kris away from Sabrina and shared that I vividly remembered seeing and hearing my classmates at a point when I was still in my coma. I think this helped her a little, but I also think she is able to see her daughter’s mysterious condition for what it is.
On the drive back, I talked to my mom, and found it comforting. She had also spent time with someone in a coma once, long ago, but that story ended completely differently than this one will, from what I was told by medical professionals. That breaks my heart.
I headed to the store, gathering things for Maggie’s party tomorrow. It’ll be an early get-up as we are meeting at 10. The fabulous thing (I suppose?) about a 13 year old is I was able to pick up a few bottles of such and such (that’s fancy speak for orange Fanta and lemonade) and a Winco pizza, some cinnamon rolls for breakfast and that’s it. No party decorations or favor bags. Low maintenance. Now, if we can just do something about the noise level.
I drive back to the hospital – not because I am needed there but because I had said I would be back. I think the one thing that is helpful to people in such a time of crisis is support. And a tremendous outpouring of support was there for Sabrina and her family: friends, childhood friends, CMP students, parents and teachers. I am so fucking angry that this happened to her – I don’t understand WHY and I don’t understand HOW. It was heartbreaking to see her newlywed husband’s hands shaking as he read through the handmade cards from the young students at CMP. It was horrible standing by her father as he read through other cards made by kids who love Sabrina and hearing the tears in his throat. This is heart-wrenching. The nurse told me tomorrow they will take off the ventilator. My thoughts are with these incredible people.
Picture: At UC Davis Medical Center
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