I saw clouds, or, more precisely, I saw the gray of the sky peeking through the black of the clouds before the sun rose. This was an excellent sign. Sure enough, I saw posts about rain in the city (Sacramento, not SF) and as the sky grew lighter, waves of rain-bands hung in the distance. I fucking love the rain (I understand that f-bombs are not necessary for everything, but I really wanted to convey how much I love the rain).
Mags was quite dizzy this morning and said she was having a hard time seeing straight because the room was spinning. Maggie isn’t one to be fake-sick; I was a pro-fake-sicker. Come to think about it, both of my kids have been incredible in terms of illness in school…(I hope I didn’t just jinx myself). She didn’t want to miss school because of a math test and her volleyball game (shows the difference right there – I would be sick because of math tests), but the dizziness reigned, so I left her at home. I dropped my boy off at his school and headed up the hill with the rain….
This kid is just ADORABLE! My client was fantastic and such a breath of fresh air. This shorter, newer person is the one who suggested I dress as Swiss Cheese for Halloween, so after supervision (where I ate my first lunch) and having VINCL (very-important-nacho-consult), J-Ber and I headed to check out the Halloween sitch at Kmart, where I found perfect Swiss braids. As I drove back to work I put the braids on and walked into the office. I did catch some stares from people driving in the parking lot, but the folks I work with? Nothing. Not one peep. This is the place I work….Where I SING to everyone, I laugh, I joke…and yet…
…there is this other side to me – the over-analytical, tear it down to the bare bones to try to figure it all out when all I end up doing really is spinning my own wheels. I realized that I’m unable to recall a night when, since I was 9 years old and deciding what to think about (I really did this) as I went to sleep that I ever had a light-bulb-over-my-head-epiphany moment. I may have just spent the last 3 plus decades aiming for something that doesn’t even really happen.
Late work, off to volleyball (Maggie was apparently serving GREAT until I showed up…I am beginning to see a pattern). Grocers and home by 
6:45, where no one had energy enough to COOK the food and so Mags made fish sticks, I ate leftovers from last night and Ethan…well, he’d eaten with dad. He wanted to try night driving and we did have to take down the posters he’s put up for the lost dog we found last night (ours had also escaped for a third time). He’s becoming so adulty…except for the times when he’s trying to lick me <don’t even ask – this kid goes from 4 years to 14 to 28 in a matter of seconds>. How awesome it is to reflect on the last weeks and be graced with these awesomely-every-day moments. This is something I have done for years because there was a time I didn’t get to take home my September 14th baby, there was a time, I didn’t have the relationship in my immediate family the way I do now (in my youth – not this family). I was able to learn so much about life…about choices…about reality. I’m so damn grateful for the relationship I have with my kids and felt so much emotion recently. Holy shit…after talking to Sabrina’s dad last night… I just cannot imagine.
Pictures: It doesn’t get much more normal than this – a teenage girl on the phone getting fish sticks out of the oven; My boy doing his first night driving.
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