This morning depression made its way into my life again, yet this time it was extrinsically. Someone I know gave a few hints about her state of mind– because no matter what anybody says, we still can’t talk about depression openly. As I commented to her, when some famous comedian commits suicide or a teen in a community takes his or her life, the web blows up with repetitious “We must talk about this openly!” statements and yet…when the fervor dies, it goes back to the same shame-based situation.
Th
ere was a lot to accomplish today and I thought it would be a good idea to drop Ethan’s bike of at the Bike Shop for repair. The rim was completely thrashed, it being very obvious to the owner what had happened. What I noticed was this SUPER HOT man there who was doing some typed of bike stuff (duh). Ohmygawd, he had a tattoo sleeve, not one ounce of body fat and just so…lickable. We left at the same time and he kept looking at me, yet like an IDIOT, I said nothing, even looking the other way at times. Goddammit! No wonder I’m single. The guy isn’t going to get down on one knee to ask for my attention. What the fuck am I expecting here?
Off to Winco then back home where I started decorating. Before I left the house, I had painted a big “We will miss you , Jen!” sign and now that it was dry, I hung it up, along with the balloons I blew up to the tunes of the 80s – those glorious days when kids didn’t really have opinions other than “Wow, that’s a great band” or “Man, that teacher really sucks.” It’s interesting that when we are young we “know so little”, yet we are quite open-minded and accepting. As we grow older we gain knowledge yet our minds close up like a trap. We are not open to further investigation and perhaps seeing there is a better way.
Food was soon set up and ready and right on time, the guests started arriving. It was a beautiful evening filled with laughter and conversation 9there was g
roovy music playing, too). I enjoy gathering like this, despite way too much food (now I have cupcakes and nachos). I’m grateful as hell that I have a swimming pool I can lap in – if I ever get down there.
No philosophical words today (though I had a ton of thoughts earlier)…I’m tired as it was a very busy day. Early bed, though I am enjoying sitting on the deck on this warm Autumn night. Damn, I’m gong downhill. 8:27 on a Saturday night.
Pictures: Party vibes; Party scene…ok maybe “party” is too strong – “gathering”?
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