This morning I was reminded that my “Mother of the Year” award shall soon be rescinded. Mags, tired from her immersion school field trip, asked if she could sleep an extra half hour instead of getting up to go volunteer at her school’s fund raiser – the Friday morning ‘Quoia Café. I said, “sure!” without a second though (until 3 seconds later when all this shit ^ hit me). I should have said “Nope – up and at ‘em! You are a manager and everyone else is tired, too.” yet I did not because sleep, well, that’s gold to me. Oh well. Perhaps next year….
This morning – one of the quarterly times of the year I longed to be with someone. No – not sexually..necessarily (tmi?), but simply BE. I long, sometimes, talking with someone, feeling them, hearing their voice. There is much that companionship with another brings us; support, friendship, understanding. My kids – Oh my god I love them to the moon and back a thousand times, but I can’t (necessarily, though I often do) have adult conversations with them, or cry on their shoulder… and I need that sometimes. Today I thought of someone as I was driving to work, and as I was reminded of a few weeks ago life can end in an instant, so I told that person I felt them in my heart today. Solitude has been wonderful. I’m not done with it yet, this I know. Yet once in a while, I really miss having a partner to share life with.
My thoughts. They race, they speed, they partially ponder concepts before dashing off to another and often times, depending who I’m with, I attempt to verbalize them. This is a fucking joke because my biggest complaint since my head injury all those years ago is “I can’t find the right words.” During supervision today this issue came up. I must learn to think in a more linear fashion, which is difficult for me – I long to be able to do so, yet don’t…can’t. I’ve been graced with intuitiveness, feeling others’ pain, but I have to be able to transfer this to words. How do I do this linear thinking? Surely there’s a book on it (joking).
Group was fabulous today. We did our book work, but we also processed and that was wonderful. I remember being a kid, being in trouble, not feeling that anyone understood me. I don’t want these clients to feel that way, I’d like to help create a safe place for them – a place where they feel understood and cared about.
An appointment with Nicol
e then back to work to close out some clients. That damn, Penelope. I swear I’m going to make a voodoo doll. How in the hell am I supposed to get notes done in 10 minutes if I can’t even find anything?! Soon, time to head home on a Friday night. Too tired to head to the gym tonight. I think I’ll have to do 5-in-the- morning swims/workouts, but for now…bed.
Pictures: Almost ready to head home; Post-Nicole appointment…feeling sexy enough to..head back to the office <frown>
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