Hiccups in my life; I was a sixth grader at Hillander School when I first began taking pills to change my reality. Sleep was so difficult for me, so I began sneaking into the medicine cabinet to take my mom’s sleeping pills. When half a pill no longer worked, I took a whole one. When that stopped, I moved up to two. It wasn’t every night – but it was more often than not. I’m not sure how it kept working – how there continued to be pills, but I have my theories. Fortunately it didn’t last too long; I could tell I was already sliding on a slippery slope. There exist vivid recollections in my mind… that I was terrified of what was happening to me…how I was already feeling the need of a substance in my life. One day I told a teacher, Mrs. Cochrane, that I was scared because I was sneaking pills at night to sleep. I can remember where she and I were standing, but I have no idea what her response was. Such is the life of a twelve year old in Midland, Texas.
I was fortunate today because I got to be “group-supervised” alone…it was just me – so no circular conversations, my supervisor can usually connect the dots – even when I can’t. Many questions, many answers. Let’s talk a little bit about perception, shall we? I have a couple who, on a funder survey, marked down that they were moderately impoverished, not extremely impoverished because though homeless, they had a tent to live in. Let’s talk about that perception, shall we? I know I was extremely humbled.
I spoke with a probation officer, then received a call from the kid-in-question. 
Coincidence? Nope…it’s Universe In Action. I headed to the continuation school, talked, back to work and then off to my third and last site for the day. It’s a tough call: do I hurt so much I can’t think or do I take meds? Having grown up with a mindset of once an addict, always an addict (see paragraph 1) I am careful, I am conscious. I am also in pain. Yet I received two messages today: one that, despite having used certain pain-alleviators, I was accepted by a different life insurance company (they have a very stringent policy and a better plan) and that my MRI has been scheduled.
Home and to bed to lie down for a bit. I also have an appointment with a DO on Tuesday (I sound so damn broken!), and I’m glad, because I can barely lie down without my body/neck hurting. I learned The Boy was at the JV football game, so eventually, I went to pick him up. This snarkily adorable kid had been at school all day…was laying on a school bunch until the JV game, hung out with a new-found “sorta” friend. This kid-who-hates-school snuck his math binder home so he could show me his work and how he is doing. And The Girl? She showed me the lovely birthday card which had accompanied the gift she’d received from a Certain Someone. Be still my heart..I remember those days of True Love well. ILGC <giggle…this is what I wrote time and time again in 7/8th grade).
Tonight, I had an important discussion with my kids about two very important topics: pornography and the effects of it on teenagers into adulthood & how it destroys more marriages than actual affairs, and how very much I love them, that I am never going to stop asking questions and being very present in their lives. As horrible as it sounds, because this was never a goal, my divorce has created a closeness with my children that probably would not have been as deep where I still married. The same with a relationship – these five years of being single have given me more than I could ever dream, and if I had to do it over again, I would, without question, choose the same path.
Video: Our morning – Mags singing along to “This Town” by Niall Horan (“Drive highways and byways to be there with you. Over and over the only truth…Everything comes back to you.” I found this to be quite prolific of my life with these two) as Ethan strums the ukulele.
Picture: My Wicked Tree reigns in gold
My apologies about the size of the vid – I am not quite sure how to manage WordPress yet (still)
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