I had wicked dreams about bungee cording. It seems my fear of heights is back with flying colors…good timing. I also experienced the red hot poker feeling in my back, which usually wakes me up. Andddd sure enough…this is becoming a very unpleasant routine. Yet I recalled the MRI and was happy.
Until that stopped, around 8, when I called about pain meds and they said, “Ummm, yeah, we don’t think that’s a good option.” Wait, excuse me??!! Did you not see the results of the MRI? Suddenly my little relieved world went very, very dark.
I went to work and spent 20 minutes in the parking lot talking to my insurance agent about “in-network” and “out-of-network” physicians. Headed in to group supervision and could not focus. Too much pain and too much dismay with my doctor’s office, so I was sent home. I am astounded that despite my circumstances, they will not give me the only medication in the last 12 years I’ve found which has worked to minimize pain. Risk of addiction, yes. I am very cognizant of this and have, up to now, always kept doctors in the loop about where I am (huge mistake, I now see). I also tell my kids, my ex, the people in my lives. I do as much as I can to minimize the potential, because I do not want to g back to that lifestyle. The doctor called me to set an appointment for initial consultation: December 14 is the earliest available. I don’t know how I’m going to do this.
There was a lot of calling I needed to do, as well as the only thing I can so when I’m hurting: I slept. Later, I met with SWerner (man, it was so good to see her face!) to pick up some of her son’s clothing for Ethan. It was good talking to her. I miss our days of seeing each other frequently. The kids were soon home and we sat in the living room enjoying the fire Ethan had made us. A beautiful, quiet evening with the sounds of rain framing the crackling fireplace. Almost perfect.
I have had a lot of help from people in my life today and for that I am very grateful. (((Thank you)))
Pictures: My MRI
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