October 31, 2016

I want to explain what it feels like to the best of my ability:  most mornings I get up, thinking “This is ridiculous!  I’m making such a big deal out of nothing and I can absolutely do this!”  Then I walk to  get my coffee/breakfast and sit back down in my bed.  Within minutes it feels like I have bone on bone grinding in my spine.  Other times it feels like a part of my spine is being crushed by an elephant. Sometimes I have a center of heat radiating where the pain is.  This morning it was the bone-on-bone.

I dropped the kids off and wished them the best of luck in their Halloween adventures – my, how the times have changed.  It wasn’t that long ago when I was dressing Ethan in the lederhosen and Maggie in the dirndl my dad had bought them.  I headed  to the mechanics where I was told sure, they could get the wheel bearing and brakes done by 10:30.   I studied…until, I was told that the inner wheel hub had been damaged and that <several moments of tension while they frantically called suppliers> they had located one, but they couldn’t get it until 12:30.

So I called the office – phones lines were down.  I called/texted the ladies at the front desk – one was MIA and the other had just left to pick up her sick son at sch0ol.  I called/texted my supervisor – she wasn’t in for another hour, I called/texted the clinical director, but there was no response (because she was in important meetings). Fortunately my climbing partner was there and not only found information for me but came and picked me up so I wouldn’t have to cancel group. After, she bought me lunch and then dropped me off to pick up my car. Talk about catching me when I was falling.

I made it to the clinic moments before my next client. And then…prog notes and then…off to my therapist, where I was able to share with her the many things that gnaw my mind, that chew on my comfort until it becomes discomfort.  I opened my soul and told of my fears, that there would one day be a career number three because this – the one I felt was right, in actuality wasn’t.  She quelled my thoughts telling me what I know deep inside:  this is my calling.

Home to throw down some leftovers for dinner which should have been lunch and then: I awaited the trick or treaters.  Adorable little bumble bees and princesses and cute dragons (who belonged to the dog we found a month or so ago), then respectful teens who wished me a Merry Christmas.  It was a fun evening.

Pictures: My car being treated to her pedicure; my dad watching over the Halloween candy.