Shortly after I finished and posted last night’s words, Maggie came home with her first break-up. Life is tough enough, but when you are young (as I recall so easily), love is tougher. We cried on each other shoulders. Then the toilet overflowed…epically…to the point of, oh, shit, is the neighborhood going to be flooded out? God dammit.
I slept…I awoke. I looked for a pant suit – I had none. I wore my blue skirt and felt like a bad ass. This morning, I (again) BLASTED Neil Diamond’s “America.” Today there would be a change in so many things. Last night I had tried with every inch of my being to “travel” (I know this sounds so silly, but I used to do this as a child) to Shelly’s hospital room to be by her side and feel her to health. It can’t hurt. I dropped the kiddos off at their appropriate learning institutions and headed to my school site where my day began with a crisis session.
Kids shouldn’t be experiencing crisis, but they do – too many of them. Here in America and all over the world. It breaks my heart to see these young ones carry burdens that many adults cannot. I headed to the parenting class and discovered, much to my chagrin but really no surprise to me, that I had studied and prepared for the wrong chapter. Of course I did. Still, once I got more comfortable in my skin, it went fairly smoothly, for I am a teacher first. I just prefer to know the material.
And then…I learned Shelly had passed away. This firecracker of a spirit left this earth to join her brothers and fat
her. I saw my four clients at the school and headed home.
When my kids walked in, Mags looked at my face and said “What happened to Shelly?” I shook my head, she walked over and hugged me. I cried. Shelly had a profound impact on just about everyone she met, I would think, just as she did on me. SO full of life. I am grateful to be in year 12 of sobriety, because I am really fucking wishing I could change the way I feel tonight.
Pictures: Chestnut stand where I bought 2 pounds. The Boy swore if we lived in CH he’d be broke from always buying marroni (roasted chestnuts); Our walking path today.
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