First frost of Fall, which meant it was COLD in this house. I can’t bring myself to raise the temp higher than 61 because the heated air dissipates into nothingness here – it’s too big and airy. Gold plated problems, I know. Besides, I’m the “throw on another hoodie and drink some hot water!” person (As an aside, it is ancient Chinese tradition to drink hot water first thing in the morning and all day long. I used to do it quite a lot and shall be returning to it).
I delivered children to subsequent locations and pondered our relationships. I think that my love for them as teens is increasing??? Yes, at times they drive me bonkers, but my wanting alone-time is no longer. It is odd and lonely when they are at dad’s for the weekend. I am going to fall apart when they move out because, despite my “let them fly” speeches, I’ll be a mess.
I was at work and just before supervision got a message from the specialist’s office: don’t even bother coming in because he can’t do anything to help. Dammit. I don’t know how the heck I’m going to do this. I’m grateful I still have the standing appointment with the out-of-network specialist on the 14th , because on this, the night of the 72 hours, it doesn’t seem the epidural is going to be of help.
The day was bang-your-fucking-head-against-a-wall nuts, and then, I went to my site 
where one of my younger clients was an absolute doll. We walked (because fuck it – it’s gonna hurt no matter what so we might as well get some health benefits out of it) which was perfect because, as open as she is, it elicited info that wouldn’t have happened otherwise. I do “walk’ntalk” (or, in Christopher’s honor, “Walkentalk”) at other sites and I like it.
Home. I had been so thrilled at how loose my jeans felt after a weak of careful food choices and no sugar. Well, duhhhh… The jeans are size petite 14s (!!! I’m not a fan of tight fit anymore, but this is a little extreme). So blech. Time to indulge in some hot water and Scrubs, although, to be fair, I do hafta admit, I told a friend in recovery that points of today brought up visions of vodka. I like to be open and accountable about thinking these things so I don’t get into the pattern of hiding. Kids came home…homework for Mags (she is also now a registered member of the Alta Sierra Volleyball Club) and Boy did the stuff he does. They’re off to dad’s this weekend and I’ll study. Man, I’m so damn tired of this stuff…..
Picture: From my client ❤
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