No word from them…then I heard from the ex-wife. We chatted for a bit…oh, what torment I had brought to her! Looking back, I can see it so easily. I apologized, explaining what a mess I was to begin with, not that it makes a difference because I still had my part. That two-hundred pound rock was once again on my shoulders. Then…I received a message from daughter, she had tried to friend me on Fb but I have it so secure that she couldn’t. We messaged one another. We will see where that goes. Suddenly, on FB pages, I saw the faces of the people who had been such a part of my life (his parents). Punch to the gut. I owe them so much.
My day was set in slow motion. I couldn’t think of anything but them…and so long ago. Suddenly missing 
fragments of my life reappeared. A vacuous period became a little more filled. I suddenly saw the divorce papers that he didn’t want to sign – so they were only separated. I had forgotten. I remembered her tiny porcelain shoes with her name, written so elegantly, her birth day, time and weight. He was so exceedingly possessive of these, not wanted “her” to have them. Looking at my own kids, if any man tried to capture a piece of my child’s life, even tiny porcelain shoes, I’d want to punch him in the throat. Talk about mama bear reaction.
Mags had a day at the fair planned, so I dropped her off and headed to…the India Bazaar (???). Because I have so much to do, so let’s go buy incense? I don’t even bother questioning it, these day. I grabbed incense, paid and headed off to see about Greek food. The restaurant I wanted to try was closed, so I went to a newer one. Not terrific, but meh…. It was here that I had my first near-death experience. Sitting in the parking structure, waiting for traffic to move, a car backed out, not bothering to look. I panicked and screamed as subconscious-shit happened. I finally found my horn (as she hit me) and then…smiled and waved at the passenger. Cars are made from plastic nowadays… I knew nothing had been damaged…so I left.
Grabbed Ethan from The Mountain, then stopped by the “we hope it can be ours” 
house. It may be crammed in the lot, but it’s cute and close to town. We will see when it is finished how much it will be sold for. Then the work began. We loaded up the bus numerous times, clearing out more of the house. It was here that my second near-death experience happened as a Prius pulled out (not even in front of me – it just pulled out to make a left-hand turn) and I screamed. Ethan commented, “God, Mom…” in disgust. If only I could control it…
He and I worked on his English paper, and then I went to pick up Mags from the fair. I started itching everywhere and wonder if I’m breaking out in hives from nerves, but no. I kept thinking of how the day began and know all too well what it’s like getting such unexpected (and, to be fair probably unwanted) messages. That was the darkest period in my life in so many ways, yet it was also the brightest.
Pictures: Moving the Texas longhorns in Lizzie Mae.
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