I keep doing it wrong and fucking up-something happens, like yesterday, when I knew he’d end up being late. Sure enough, he texted me ten minutes before to let me know he wouldn’t make in time, then I turn into my mother: the no-excuses-militant-you’d-better-be-on-time-or-you’re-grounded parent for whom a reasonable reason (getting gas) didn’t matter. It didn’t matter last night. Suddenly all these words came out of my mouth as I sat there being angry with him. Images of my friends from 1989 kept popping into me head. Goddamn it, my past is NOT his battle. It’s hard to break the cycle.
Down 3. The Hipnic pictures made it brutally obvious to me that my eating choices are not good ones. I’ve become this chunky monkey in the last 6 months, so back to what works ( what is that?!); movement and healthier foods, and…less Mexican.
I literally called my daughter to give her the update that I saw “a lot” of “nonwhite” people (5) at the local grocery store, which thrills me to no end! Let’s hear it for diversity, El Dorado County!
Sick with the miserable summer-cold, I prepped some food for this week. I’ve been finding lately that tasks such as hanging the laundry on the clothes line or chopping the garlic brings a state of Mindfulness with it, something we miss in this did-it-for-ya society. The same goes for cooking…I miss the preparat..awww, who am I fucking kidding? I love eating chips and salsa in the
booth, waiting for my burrito to arrive.
There’s been another shift of consciousness for me recently, an awareness of my nervousness (perhaps not very visible to many), my anxiety. I’m beginning to see my reactivity and I don’t like it. I’m falling into behaviors I don’t wish to assimilate with as this is not who I am. So, I look to each day as a maze, a day of challenges. Just make it through the maze, one more day.
Pictures: The Boy and his dog. She injured her paw yesterday, and MAN, was it nice having her calm and quiet for 24 hours. That’s over now; Kombucha and Hipnic IX magic from Cheri and Mark; Mindful garlic chopping.
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