I cancelled my licensure exam after coming to an understanding: I am human. I am singlehandedly planning two weddings, one on the coast and one in Texas. I am about to move halfway across the country. This may not be the best time for learning. My thoughts are I will get my LPCC hours approved then take both exams, one after the other.
The end result of no need to study is that I am bored. I do manage to fill little cracks of time arranging for photography, cake, et cetera, but there is nothing else to do(the trick here is that I should continue to study). I packed one box, symbolically filling it with the board game Guesstures, which I played with Derek 22 years ago. I felt better.
I’m getting married in 29 days and don’t have a dress. Am I panicked? Hell, no! It will all work out. The important part is treats. Fortunately, an award-winning baker in the area wrote back and can help me out. Now I’m torn between the cake (from Big Sur) and the sugar cookies from here. Solution: eat both and bring Keebler cookies for everyone else.
Kids: I work with kids who are judged by society and the court system on their actions. I cried yesterday during session (to the point the individual brought me a box of tissue) because I care so much about this human being, this person who has imprisoned himself into something much more devastating than the prison he will be sent to. I will miss my juvie kids and the staff. This job is my dream job. My kids. These two are my tribe. We have grown up together during joyous times and points of difficulty. Leaving them here will be so difficult. His kids. I am terrified. A large reason of my staying single over the years (besides never meeting “the right person”) is because of my need to be with my kids and my fear of step-parenting. I’m not sure how good I will be, despite my YEARS of working with kids, either as a teacher or now as a therapist. I never had a step-parent, I don’t understand, can’t understand that point. Throw into the mixture extenuating circumstances with their history and it makes for an interesting case. Except it’s not a case: these are my future step-children. So I’m off to get therapized myself on boundaries and will cross my fingers like a mother-fucker.
I’m thinking about the circle of people who have been apart of my life in NorCal since I moved here 16 years ago. These people have added so much to my life and I’m not quite sure how to ever repay that. I know I’m not gone yet, but I am so grateful. They have helped me become the semi-adult that I am and taught me how to live Life on Life’s terms with a little bit of grace and a lot of tears. I’ll visit often.
Picture: Wicked Tree for our Texas cake.
tribeoftrio.com 