Author: iamunzer

I reached back and grabbed Ethan’s hand as we drove to school. My heart grew Grinch-style.  I then reached across and fondly placed my hand on Maggie’s arm.  She emphatically responded with, “Woman!!  I’m trying to eat my goddamn Cinnamon Toast Crunch!” #boundaries #soproud 

Wednesday’s are supervision days, so I requested  to review SASSI since it’s been years since I learned it.  It would appear I have a high tendency to have a substance issue. #12yearsinandnowtheytellme 

Three new intakes, one after another, followed by a regular client.  Back to paperwork then heading home.  I DO like driving home and it’s still light outside.  

Walked inside the house and no additional packing had been down.  I get it, I don’t want to pack, either, but we do need to get going here.  There’s an option of an ARM loan and I could then refi quickly, which could mean a house faster, but that’s emotional buying, yes?  Or we wait, get an apartment and ….

Fuck.  But yay!  Such terrific problems to have.

Pictures: Work stuff; Country road, take me home.

Tell me humans are not intuitive. I knew a deer was going to run in front of the car for three minutes before it happened, when I saw that tom turkey strut in the country lane, refusing to get out of the way of cars. Sure enough, peripherally, a deer dashed in front of my car and I simultaneously screamed,  braked, and turned the radio down (Migos, “T-Shirt”), much to the amazement of my children.  I’m kinda badass like that. 

A busy day: drop the kids off, up to my school site, down to the clinic, up to the charter school, down to Indian Creek, over to Juvie, back to the clinic, additional bonding with a work colleague.  I love days like this.  

I live for Winter. I love the cold, the early nights, the rain, the clouds, the stillness. Yet now, two days of sunny, flowery,fresh-mowed grassy days and I’m optimistic about all I’m going to accomplish, and  want to start running again (it’s been 6/7 years). I have no idea what the fuck is going on.

It was a unique day like that, all day long.  Occurrences that are odd and seemingly out-of-sync with the universe kept taking place. I love the fact that I am aware and see these things taking place.

Still no idea on where we’re going to move.  The realtor yesterday seemed to have this thought that we could move into a house by the time we move out (April 30), but I don’t see that possibility. I’ve called about apartments because I don’t want to rent a house for another year, but really ?  with a Queensland?  ~sigh~  It’ll work. 

Pictures: This morning’s sky – contrails (it must have been) which remained there for a good 45 minutes; This evening’s sky with Venus (you can’t see it in the picture) shining brightly.

Last night was a beautiful reminder of why I have so much fun with my kids. Ethan choking on the birthday candle (he was shooting it from a straw and accidentally inhaled), he and Maggie remembering a Sponge Bob episode on just such an event, going into a CVS to get my citrus cough drops and surreptitiously sneaking birthday cards and a phone charger gift for Ethan, going the wrong way on a one-way street, and listening to Lionel Richie(my choice), Drexys Midnight Runners (Maggie’s Choice) and Run DMC (Ethan’s choice) and looking forward to our bus road-trip.

I cried harder than I have in a long, long time. Why? Because as we went in to wake Ethan up this morning, Maggie decided to play “15” by Taylor Swift and I came undone. I know. There are so many things wrong with this picture.

Dropped my kids off at school then headed to work. This is a good place to work for Monday mornings. I’ve been realizing as of late, that my reality with work is much different than the reality is most people encounter on a day-to-day basis. My days are filled with some of the most gut-wrenching, horrific stories and to those of us who work here, this is our normal.

The realtor was coming to the house at five to look around and see what needed to be repaired to get the house ready to show. She was a really sweet woman. Meanwhile I continue to try to pack things. I’ve become really successful  in ridding myself of clothing, but other things? 18 books (so difficult), all of my National Geographic magazines (!!!), the glider I use with Ethan and Maggie when they were babies. Holy hell.  And yet… it feels so good to be rid of this stuff.

I already miss winter. Yet today,  the sunshine,  newly-bloomed flowers and  fresh Spring air brought forth wonderful thoughts of Hip-Nic, of High Sierra Music Festival, of long summer hikes. I’m looking forward to this summer.

Pictures: Snap-chats from last night; Packing up; This tree picture from  last night had me in hysterics.  Look at Ethan’s face; My favorite two dresses and cardigan from when I was 4.  Who says I hold on to things?

The problem with going to bed early on a Friday night is you wake up early on a Saturday morning. The benefit to this however, is witnessing a beautiful sunrise with your favorite tree.

One of Ethan’s friends had traveled from Southern California for his birthday. The next two friends arrived around 10 and soon we headed to John’s Incredible Pizza in Roseville.  After traveling in a car with adolescent boys, I can understand the need for and creation of  Ax body spray and was devastated there was none used.

Though L has shifted to the other side of the aisle politically (yay that we are divorced!), we were able to have one of the better political discussions today (to be honest, I believe it was our first).  Another silver-lining to this debacle called the presidency.

To those of you who don’t have daughters, and likewise to those of you that don’t have sons, do not ever believe that there is more drama or sensitivity in one gender than the other. Boys get their feelings hurt just as badly. The sad thing is that boys aren’t allowed to show their emotions. This pisses me the fuck off because we are denying our boys the ability to become aware and deal with emotions which will exist their entire lives .  They’ll grow up to be men who can’t open up emotionally.   #goddamnjobsecurityIdontwant

I tried to pack up some of the house. It isn’t going very well.

Picture: With his tickets, Ethan bought me a hoberman-type expanding ball I can use during session with clients.

Eyes wide open at 3:17 this morning, mind whirring, unable to stop. ” I must do this…”, “I can’t forget to…”, “Oh yeah, I have to…” until my alarm went off at 5:21. 

Juvenile hall all day long, another very busy day with 8 kids today, a total of 10 kids yesterday. This makes for a very brain-dead moments like now.

NEVER GIVE UP!!  Ethan and I went shopping for snacks for his party tomorrow.  After 30 years of seeking this cereal from my childhood, I found it again!  Familia Müesli from Switzerland.  I bought three boxes, which cost me close to $28, but so worth it. 

Fuck.  We went for… Mexican food. Carnitas. This. Must. Stop.  Last night we had burritos.   It’s a goddamn never-ending cycle, and I still can’t speak Spanish.

I’m so tired. My hair hurts. My boobs hurt. Maggie packed up three boxes today, yet we have the birthday party this weekend. I’m going to do some boxing up tomorrow evening and Sunday.   Realtor gets here on Monday.

Pictures: Not my parking spot; Here it is!; I hate that I have such a large selection of produce and all I see is the bakery section in the back.

If it hadn’t been for the picture her teachers at the AMS (American Montessori Society) convention, I would have woken Maggie up “after her alarm failed to go off”, that’s how bad my memory is( she mentioned at least  three times she would be having a four-day weekend this week).

Despite the chaos (perhaps because of it?), I leave juvenile hall with such a sense of fulfillment.  They fill my bucket.

After such a rainy, wet winter, I am still dressing the part. I was not expecting 75° weather today and I’m really grateful for the patchouli oil I keep in my backpack.  #hippiesunite

Hearing stories, which are actually not stories, rather personal experiences, I tend to forget that for the most part, a majority of the population isn’t subjected to such realities. I don’t believe I could ever work in a different field.

After a total of 10 clients in a 10 hour work day, I headed home where I was happy to see one of my children was asleep in the garage,  waiting to greet me. I went inside, started cooking, and communicated with the owner of the house and the realtor, who would like to see the house Monday to get it ready for showing. I have packed one small sculpture thus far.  It’s going to be a busy few weeks.

Picture: My oldest child, born in Germany in 1976

A terrific way to embarrass both kids is to start rapping along with Migos on “Bad and Boujee.”  I managed this twice successfully today: once this morning with Maggie and later this evening with Ethan.  I rock.

Supervision followed by supervision.  Not gonna lie, I can’t focus very much.  I’m wondering how and when I’m supposed to find a house and then pack up this house, but I’ll manage.  Always have, always will.

A friend-lleague (colleague who’s a friend) reminded me of a goal I have once I’m licensed: sex therapist.  This is something I can do and would excel at because of my ability to  A) recognize the importance sexuality plays in our development as humans, and B)  my frank manner of discussion regarding sex.  I actually speak more “passionately” about music and baseball.  Hmmmm….

My boy is about to be 15.  Once again his birthday “party” will be small because most of the few friends he invited can’t attend.  Every year and it breaks my heart, but I’ve offered to celebrate his birthday at a later date with his friends.  We’ll see if he wants to.

I’m heading to bed early again – this time I’ll continue reading  “Blink” as “Brave New World” is a really odd book to “grasp” unless I’m reading SparkNotes along with it or on acid, and clearly I won’t do the latter. It didn’t work 24 years ago, unless…

Picture:  This is my message on my laptop.  Looks like it’s (already) time for a new one.

Most mornings result in Mags struggling to get going on time.  Yes, there are those days where I’m the one running back to get something, I’ll admit it.  Today, however, on the day we needed to leave twenty minutes earlier for Ethan’s meeting, Mags was ready and waiting for us.  For fifteen minutes, she sat, waiting.  Huh.

This morning, I had an opportunity to let my voice be heard in a county that has fully demonstrated its ability to be racially prejudiced and bigoted.  Perhaps not more than any other county, but I’ve sensed the Good Ol’ Boy attitude since I moved here in 2002.  I spoke out, along with my friend and  many others at the Board of Supervisors meeting; sharing experiences I have had as well as my hopes that we will no longer stand silently when we see racism occuring. It was an honor to be a part of a growing trend in this country, a trend that was the first news article I read in the paper this morning.

As I drove to my school site, I saw something that brought me joy – a huge pick-up truck with the bumper sticker “RESIST” on it.  As I passed the truck, I noticed an older white guy driving.  Hell, yeah.

Picture: My cloud-ride home.

Pictures: Team heading to their game; Mags at work; San Jose’s night streets; Post-game garage walk

Tonsil shards. That’s what woke me up (sore throat).  Well, that and the smell of coffee (since I had mistakenly changed the time on my coffee machine, it started brewing at four a.m. instead of five). Still, an early-morning what I needed as I still didn’t feel well and didn’t want to rush myself at all. The last two days have really days I would’ve stayed home under normal circumstances, but knowing I was going to juvie changed that. I just make sure not to lick anyone and I tend not to hug a single person there.  I’m not contagious or anything…no runny nose, sneezing and coughing started on my drive tonight.  Just feeling very run down….

I dropped Maggie off at Quoia Café. Her suitcase was packed in the car for later on. I went back to pick up Ethan, dropped him off  and headed to juvie. We had a couple new kids, but others have been released or transferred so I had about the same number of clients today as any other day. I was proud to say my kid has managed to accomplish his goal, and I also celebrated a week without sugar. Later, much to my dismay, I would celebrate that with a cookie from Chick-fil-A.

By the time I left work,  I was feeling pretty rough.  I had a suicide assessment to do after 4:30 and still have a lot of things I needed to accomplish.  Headed to the clinic to get my mileage done, check on a few cases, and headed home.  I stopped by Raley’s where I ran into an old friend from a different life.  I love how Universe throws us what we need when we need it.

Maggie and I hit the road around 7:30 after dinner from aforementioned fast-food place.  Arrival time was about 10:15.  I had us in the Safeway (the self-serve pay machines are much to aggressive for country folks like us and we don’t think the clerk cared very much for our bumpkin ways)in Santa Clara and in our hotel room by 10:04.

Maggie giggled because I brought my coffee machine from home, but after many a night in hotels after shows, I know what I like.  I need a very good night of sleep and I’m grateful our games don’t start til 3. 

Pictures: Maggie’s lunch; Lemons juice for my honey/lemon/raw ginger teas; Maggie leave Safeway; Our hotel’s effort vs what I need.