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HaHA! 11:28!  I guess the lack of stress made a big impact on my early wakes.  Girl was up and preparing for leaving with a friend, and the Boy still slumbered, having felt poorly last night. I did start the day off with a hot water instead of coffee- I liked it a great deal.

I had some errands today, and while driving, I thought about the value of friendship and family.  It is these people who are willing to help out when no others will.  I am truly and often overwhelmed with gratitude by the friends I have in my life; it is not something I take lightly.

The Boy helped me (and by “help” I mean did it) get kindling cut, then I took him over to a friend’s house.  This puts me in a predicament:  home alone with nothing to do.

I called my mom today.  We are not big talkers, but when Ethan and I watched ‘Interstellar’, I was struck by one line in which Cooper tells Murphy  “Now we’re just here to be memories for our kids.” (he was talking about what his wife said to him), and it struck me that RIGHT now, my kids are everything to me – they are the sun to my solar system, but there will come a time, and it is not far off, that they will be living their lives and I will be living mine.  I thought about my mom, in Colorado, I talk to her once every month or so – and this was the women who gave birth to me.  Soon, I will not see my kids as of then as I do now – I can only hope we will be in more contact than I and my mom.  So I called her…I left a message thanking her and Papi (my dad) for everything they had done in my younger years because they made e who I am today.   I teared up.

“Scrubs” and rain.  Six days til nachos.

Picture:  Ethan changed my screensaver, I see….

6:47 again.  What the hell is it about that exact time?  I am not enjoying coffee much anymore at all and find myself forced to finish the first cup before I go fill up again (though it usually sits untouched).  I had to get up and start studying.

The house was very chilly, so a fire was obvious, but we had no kindling.  FEAR NOT!  My son taught me how to safely start a fire with gasoline (please do not roll your eyes like L did yesterday as he giggled at me). I have tons of paper (mail from the last year) that needs to burn (my method of shredding).  IT TOOK ME A GODDAMN HOUR TO START A FIRE WITH GASOLINE AND PAPER.  My girl scout card has been rescinded.

I studied.  Took a third fake test and did even better, so I reviewed all the special categories then I figured, what the hell, if I don’t know it by now, I won’t know it.  I hung out with my kid.  I offered to pay him money to add my hours up (I’m at 2,144).  I m so tired of messing up adding, so I decided it’s time to pass the job on with the incentive of earning cold, hard cash.  He made more per hour tonight than I make in my job.  Ugly, but worth it.  It was time to leave for Sacramento to the Test-Take Facility and I was nervous (or not reacting well to the steak I ate for dinner).  Sometimes it’s just plain good sense to have Pepto Bismal hidden in your center  console.

I arrived and waited a while – folks were being turned back when they approached even 10 minutes earlier than stated, so I solitaired it.  Then , get this – I was told it was the LPPC law and ethics exam, not MFT (ok , that’s fine)  but when I took off my Marmot jacket I was told the BBS does not allowed hoodie-type shirts.  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?  I was wearing a thin little thing with a hood I got at REI.  She told me there was a Target a few exits away so I headed to go shopping  on Black Friday.  In 20 minutes I was back.  The test was fairly easy – there were only a couple that stumped me, so I am not concerned at all about the MFT exam,  if BBS ever gets their act together (both checks were cashed).  I sent them an email, since my 4 calls never went through.  I’ll keep calling though, as I have little faith in the BBS.  If anything, I’ll have to drive down.

Picked up Girl and came home to a sick Boy.  I’m happy…looking forward to my nacho/burrito extravaganza in exactly one week. I’m so relieved I passed.  🙂

Pictures: This afternoons Wicked Tree; Counting my hours; Like flies to the honeycomb (???) people enter The Test Site.

This morning was a powerful one; as the kids slept, I cleaned and pondered.  I had spoken with my mother earlier, a nice talk, and I mentioned  some regrets I had in not introducing my kids to some of the traditions I had experienced growing up. Yet given the current happenings, these seemed superficial, despite their importance to me.  My children have never woken up in fear, they have never been abused, they know that above all else, they are so deeply loved by their parents. I considered these things, and was grateful that I can still teach them the other traditions.

I opened my DVDS from my friend and found, much to my joyous surprise, he had also included a Mother Hips  from near 7 years ago.  As I continued cleaning, the Hips sang along and I remembered how fun shows used to be.  Man, it’s been a long almost 6 months (sorta).

L came by to pick up Girl child.  He gave me a looong hug.  Man, human contact sure feels nice. I thanked him and Ethan and I began our Thanksgiving cooking.  The chestnuts were the toughest part – we discovered later that the twenty dollars worth I bought would not be considered to be money well-spent.  The inner skin is to attached to the meat of it to provide good enough results.  We must have peeled for an hour.  I taught him how to make the stuffing and gave him instruction on how to make the red cabbage (the reason he stays here each year).

About an hour and a half later, we were nicely surprised with deliciously moist chicken (so there is a propose to brining) and the rest of the meal.  I treated myself to very small helpings of the stuffing, red cabbage, chicken, cranberry jelly and half a piece of bread.  As delicious as the food was, I came to the conclusion that I have a very unhealthy relationship with food.  Great day to do this, I know.

Ethan and I were stuffed, despite my small portion.  I know the whole tryptophan/turkey concept isn’t legitimate (there is as much tryptophan in other meats – like chicken), that the tired feeling is from eating so much, but I almost dozed in my recliner (2^nd time in as many days).  The Boy suggested we watch “Interstelar”, which we did.  Tomorrow it’s back to the books.  By this time, my exam, for better or worse, will be over (unless I have to retake it).  I am extremely disturbed by this country and what is going on regarding the North Dakota pipeline: Native Americans are being assaulted with rubber bullets and water in freezing weather over trying to protect the Earth.  Saying “Happy Thanksgiving” doesn’t feel quite the same this year.

Picture:  Hanging out watching a movie; Our beautiful day. ❤

Of course I was up at 6:47 this morning, when I can sleep as late as want.  I’m feeling somewhat heavy this morning- I was reactionary last night with a friend and my son.  I should have done what I tell all my clients to do – take a breath and think before responding.  I made amends to both. 

I am slowly, ever-so-slowly trying to change things in my life.  There’s this “friend” who is only such when they feel like it.  I’m not down with that – it isn’t reciprocal, and is not what I consider to be a friendship.  So, good-bye. I think it’s important that I make these changes. I ’m (finally) getting to that point where I realize that if I’m not happy with something, I need to either change it or deal with it and I’m past the age of wanting to deal with shit that’s not acceptable.  It’s funny how all these things I thought wouldn’t really happen to me are actually happening. Fucking aging.

Apparently I “passed” Fake Test Two, but I didn’t like the score at all, so I did a little more studying today, but there was actual  “stuff to do”so it couldn’t be a study day.  I had to buy a few things for the stuffing Ethan has requested, had to buy chestnuts and then, I was off to Nicole’s to get my hair done.  Now Maggie is jealous of my hair.

At home, Ethan held Mabi while I tried to put bordatella vacc in her nose.  Annie was tough for me to do alone, so there was no way I was trying Mabi without help, who is 33 pounds of muscle.  She was so fierce my arm has some gnarly cuts and I look like I’ve been cutting.

I spoke with my sister and niece tonight and we are excited for their visit.  I want to plan a few fun interesting things to do with them while we’re in the city.  I’m also looking forward to spending time with my boy as we cook Thanksgiving dinner together (a brined chicken with stuffing). Happy day to all of you, tomorrow.  I wish you bliss with your loved ones.

Pictures: Fake Test results; my latest, longer hair(PS, my boobs really aren’t that big); fun with bordatella

As predicted, I was up before 7.  You know what?  That’s ok!  I WOKE UP.  Win number one.  I had a ton of studying to do, as is, so Universe knows what’s up. It’s getting mighty cold in my room at night.  I’m a huge walking chicken-bump (I’ve never actually seen goose bumps, so I try to stick with what I know) and even the flannel sheets have an icy crispness to themselves before my body makes contact and we heat things up.  I am giggling at my singlehoodness…”getting hot with flannel – what you and flannel sheets can do to rock the nights….”

I got right to studying.  I’d gone through one section last night, but there remained many more.  I did a couple of home-life things that needed to be done, though.  Ordered a cord of wood, as I’ve almost cleared through what was remaining and it hasn’t even really gotten cold yet.  I also reserved a day of “re-learning” for Mabi.  Her healing skills are exemplary, but her whining is drives me mad.  Plus, the barking with the neighbors?  Not cool.

Chatted with a school friend from Switzerland.  I know, I know… there are always writings about living all over the place, but this is an area  where I feel I’m home, and that’s important to me.  I know I’m in California through the kids’ high school years (unless they decided to give CH a go), but after… <smile>.   I also reconnected with a Person of Romantic Interest – the man I met on the plane coming back from Mexico and we’ve agreed to keep in touch.  He said he’d love to give me tours of Atlanta and New Orleans.  Ummm… yes, please….

After studying  ALL DAY long, I took Fake Test Two.  I improved, but only to 65%.  All this time I’ve been confident of my excellent test-taking skills,  passing MSAT, CBEST, CSET, RICA(teaching exams)  in one sitting on the first attempt,  and I’m gonna fail in what I feel is my field (lovely alliteration). I am sad in my heart.

At least I get to spend a little time with Nicole tomorrow.

Pictures: This morning’s #wickedtree; Mabi with her beloved Nellie the Ellephant (named after The Toy Dolls’ song). 

Last night I was scolded.  It would seem my attempts at MacGyvering my computer could have easily lead to a fire and (apparently) using tin foil as a conduit to connect the power cord in the port is not a good idea.  Well, fuck.  I was proud as peaches Saturday night, thinking wouldn’t ____ be thrilled  with my ingenuity.  ____ was very unthrilled with me and made me promise to never, ever do that again.    That’s why my computer wouldn’t start Sunday morning- she was trying to avoid Death by Ali.

I had to get up at 5 this morning for my dentist visit and this was tough because it was difficult to fall asleep since I slept until almost noon.  I was thinking about clients, treatment plans, impairments (!!).  I’m not gonna lie, I was also thinking ‘bout nachos.  Not Fresh Mex nachos (though they aren’t too shabby), I was envisioning the glorious KING-GOD of all nachos: a full order La Bodega combination nachos. I’m almost crying thinking about it and no – a 2 day road trip is NOT too much for one of those.  One of my dad’s dreams was La Bodega “basic” shops at airports with nachos, burritos, tacos.  I’m so mad it never came to pass – I would have become an airline attendant, despite my nervousness when flying.

I digress.  Off to the dentist!  Something I must also mention is my preference of almost anything (I think this morning my example to the office staff was” 78 Pap Smears”) over dentists.  This morning that changed.  I fell in love with this dentist, so gentle, so minimally invasive, such incredible solutions.  I am excited to never miss another appointment again.

The day was minimal- a missed client and group.  I had a beautiful dialogue on trauma with a new colleague and headed home for days of relaxation.  Ha. Just kidding – I get to study more because as well as I thought I was doing, I failed epically on my First Fake Exam.

This evening my alarm was silenced.   I will have Six days of Sleeping In.  I’ll also be putting in some time on Solitaire whilst listening to my exam info (apparently there is a method behind this madness).  Good stuff is about to happen.

Pictures: My drive home.  The first two shots I see every day, yet today I decided to take a road I had never driven before and found this: < treasures await if we dare to explore.

Waking at 6:27 on a Sunday is simply bad, especially when I purposely made myself stay up until past midnight to be ultra cool to myself.  So I fell back asleep (somehow) until…

11:38!  WHAT?!!  I bolted out of bed to release the pups from their crates and began my day. I picked up the laptop- eager(not really) for a full day of committed studying.  I pushed the power button and… got nothing.  Not even a hint of a whisper.  This laptop was deader than dead.  So I contacted my Computer-Hero with the words, “You are not going to believe this.”

This incredible human met me an hour or so later at Costco (he lives Far Away)for the laptop hand-off.  He took mine and in return gave me back my old one, which has been  in his garage.  I headed to the store to buy a few meager T-day things in case Ethan decided to spend the day with me (Mags prefers L’s girlfriend’s Thanksgivings,which has tons of food and many pies.  I understand and agree with her decision 100%). At  this store, I noticed something I haven’t noticed in a while: a man. He gave me a lovely smile and I gave him one in return.  I also gave him a few glances after-the-fact.  This is something that makes me happy.  Then I headed home and began my studies.

Other than a call to confirm my 7 am dental appointment tomorrow,the day was quiet.  I passed my quiz with a 77 and understand the areas I need to further  explore. Not too bad, considering my studying has been minimal.  Things in my world seem to be somewhat coming together; I think about impairments and interventions, plus my boobs seem to be minimizing a bit.  I couldn’t be happier.

So tonight, with raindrops dropping and the fire firing, I played through some
Hips tunes and began my Ultimate Set List.  After tomorrow’s few clients, the work week is over for me and know how quickly things go from here on out.  The other thing I need to work on this week is my supervised hours sheets to see what my numbers are.   I’m looking forward….

Picture: Getting to work on Important Stuff.

I awoke at 7:30ish.  By the time I realized it was Saturday, I was too awake to fall back asleep, but I enjoyed the comfort of my flannel none-the-less.  The only plans I had for today were study and possibly work on counting and categorizing my hours.  Naturally,  the first think I did was start vacuuming the piles of dog hair, more specifically, Mabi hair.  Then I started laundry.  I have a pretty poor record with only focusing on one thing.

Come one, lady.  Your test is in 6 days <Gulp>.  That got my attention, so I sat down, heating pad waiting (I want a portable heating pad I can wear to work) and printed out the quiz.  Wait.  Nothing is working. I checked the status on the printer, restarted the computer, did other “trying-to-fix-printer” things for around an hour and half.  I updated the driver so many times; I’m probably 3-future editions ahead of anything that’s currently out now.   Nothing.  I was about to call L who would say “update the driver” when my computer genius texted to see how the computer was doing (I had battery issues yesterday).

5 computer-printer-IP address-issue hours later, it was somehow coming to an end as the printer began spitting out my study material.  I was grateful.  Grateful that this guy is willing to take 5 hours out of his day to help me out with my constant computer issues.  I also thanked his wife for all the time I take up.  This guy is a true friend.

Scrubs-binging(Zach Braff’s voice in now my inner-voice), a fire going in the fireplace all day long and soft rain gently pattering on the roof.  Except for the whole “didn’t get any homework done”, it’s been an almost-perfect day, and…

today, for the first time in a very, very, long, long time, I feel beautiful.

 

Pictures:  I have no idea why I’m looking at this; IP Address searching.

This morning was an early one – Maggie and her Quoia Café, yet somehow Ethan and I still had to push it to get him to school on time.  Fortunately he wasn’t tardy and my record remains clean.

I was at my desk working on paperwork when I received a phone call from Dr. Russo.  I had emailed his office this morning in hopes of making an appointment.  After hearing how significantly Sabrina was helped, I am very excited.  And he called me!  He was away from the office, read my email and phoned.  I am so damn impressed.  Crossed finger on November 29.

I received my very first annual employee evaluation from my supervisor today.  It will go higher up to the clinical director then the Head Dude (I’m never quite sure what his title is), but from my supervisor I learned that I am much harder on myself than I should be, that doing so can (and has) kick me in the ass (though she put it much more eloquently).  I received really high marks in some areas (the areas I enjoy), which pleases me.  I also passed my trauma certification test, to once I send in the documentation; I’ll be a certified clinical trauma professional.

Every time I see plates from Texas, I look at the driver.  To date, I have not seen anyone I knew in Texas.

Suddenly, my December got a little brighter today with the possibility of being pain free for the CRB and Hip shows.

Picture: After an intended “short day” at the office, which turned into 8 hours, this was my beautiful reward. Sometimes I love where I live.

First frost of Fall, which meant it was COLD in this house.   I can’t  bring myself to raise the temp higher than 61 because the heated air dissipates into nothingness here – it’s too big and airy.  Gold plated problems, I know.  Besides, I’m the “throw on another hoodie and drink some hot water!” person (As an aside, it is ancient Chinese tradition to drink hot water first thing in the morning and all day long.  I used to do it quite a lot and shall be returning to it).

I delivered children to subsequent locations and pondered our relationships.  I think that my love for them as teens is increasing???  Yes, at times they drive me bonkers, but my wanting alone-time is no longer.  It is odd and lonely when they are at dad’s for the weekend.  I am going to fall apart when they move out because, despite my “let them fly” speeches, I’ll be a mess.

I was at work and just before supervision got a message from the specialist’s office: don’t even bother coming in because he can’t do anything to help.  Dammit.  I don’t know how  the heck  I’m going to do this.  I’m grateful I still have the standing appointment with the out-of-network specialist on the 14^th  , because on this, the night of the 72 hours, it doesn’t seem the epidural is going to be of help.

The day  was bang-your-fucking-head-against-a-wall nuts, and then, I went to my site where one of my younger clients was an absolute doll.  We walked (because fuck it – it’s gonna hurt no matter what so we might as well get some health benefits out of it) which was perfect because, as open as she is, it elicited info that wouldn’t have happened otherwise.  I do “walk’ntalk” (or, in Christopher’s honor, “Walkentalk”) at other sites and I like it.

Home.  I had been so thrilled at how loose my jeans felt after a weak of careful food choices and no sugar.  Well, duhhhh…  The jeans are size petite 14s (!!!  I’m not a fan of tight fit anymore, but this is a little extreme).  So blech.  Time to indulge in some hot water and Scrubs, although, to be fair, I do hafta admit,  I told a friend in recovery that points of today brought up visions of vodka.  I like to be open and accountable about thinking these things so I don’t get into the pattern of hiding.  Kids came home…homework for Mags (she is also now a registered member of the Alta Sierra Volleyball Club) and Boy did the stuff he does.  They’re off to dad’s this weekend and I’ll study.  Man, I’m so damn tired of this stuff…..

Picture: From my client ❤