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That stupid loud sunshine woke me up – 10 minutes past the time I was supposed to have already been up for one hour and fifteen minutes (Got that?  I awoke at 7:10 rather then scheduled 5:47 a.m.).  It seems the key to success is turning your alarm ringer ON.

It was already boiling hot by 9, so naturally I went with an all-black ensemble.  I like to tell the world “fuck you with all your silly rules and regulations!”, like black attracts more heat and cupcakes/nachos add weight.

Work is…tough sometimes.  Dealing with  improbably odds of  altering ingrained cultural norms which are impossible to change in a few weeks’/months’ time, if ever.  Still, one must paint a picture of probably outcomes if no changes are made.  It is difficult, but quite necessary.

It is becoming glaringly obvious to me that I am in 100% or not at all.  While it’s a great characteristic to have at times, it can almost become debilitating.  I’ll leave it at that, for now.

^^ adding on to the above statement – ‘Stranger Things’, the current “must-see now” Netflix series?  Done with it in 3 days and now must wait until the 2017 season is released.  See what I mean about post 4?

Picture: Kiddo toes and Goldfish….

I’m not sure what stopped my daily writing.  At one point in March there was some self-imposed stress, so I stopped  and when the world did not end, I kept stopping.  When I decided to res-start, I thought I’d jump in with both feet and bought a URL for my blog spot which I moved to WordPress and since then, barely a sputter.  I try, but the oomph just isn’t there.

I have done something, as of late, which I have rarely done before:  I am watching a tv series while everyone else is watching it.  The only difference is doing so, I have found, is that while others are talking about how “WOW!” it is, I can agree.  Plus, when I watch it after the series has ended, I can binge.

In 5 days I have had 5 coffee dates.  They are all very nice, but there was something *extra nicer* about the second date, which was completely unplanned.  I shan’t say anything, other than…I have been checking every two minutes to see if he has written an email.  For the most part, we have been in touch (barely) most days.  I knowknowknowknowknow this doesn’t mean much, but it has been sooooo long since I’ve experienced heart flutters.

It isn’t that I need someone, I have discovered I am pretty damn self-sufficient and independent (maybe too independent?  I’ve always arrived early so I could pay for my own coffee/tea).  But I miss having a someone.  I remember as I was walking to go meet Date Two, I briefly reminisced what it’s like to hold someone, smelling their neck, being held.  Yeah, it’s like that.

It’s rather hard with Maggie at her dad’s – she kept all my coffee dates scheduled.  Now I have to do this solo <gulp>.

 

Picture: “It’s better to lose a few beans from your bag than to have no bag for your beans.” – Chum, The Mother Hips

I am that person who cannot find her car keys, having lost them between the time I backed the car up from in-front of the garage so I could move the bus back in (2 days ago), then moved the car back to its rightful place again.  I can’t lock the front door, so I just stand there and make a “locking sound” as I pretend to turn the key.  Yes.  I’m that person.

Today was the first day back at work since Calpine.  I shan’t lie.  I dosed up pretty well on pain meds there, plus I had the comfort (and joy) of my dry-ice ice-packs.  Saturday night when I “jumped onstage” – Norco and adrenaline were managing my pain well.  Yesterday I went without anything to the doctor’s visit so I could tell her specifically where it hurt.  PT starts Thursday and I took some meds as soon as I got home.  This morning was a whole other monster with work.

A difficult scenario at work with an extremely sensitive issue.  There are not many juveniles who choose a life of doing the wrong thing in order to make relationships with family difficult, who wish to go to a detention facility, who find that life is just so much better when county government services such as CPS  and law enforcement are frequently involved in your life, managing as much of it as they possibly can.  What kid wouldn’t like that in their life, right?  When adolescents have grown up in a difficult home (abuse, neglect, drug-addicted parents, etc.) they learn tools to survive and then they end up in offices like mine or juvenile hall.  It’s not a fun trip.  Next time you come across a little punk…often there is a story behind it and it isn’t a very nice one.

My balloon just burst.  I don’t think Scott was pointing at me, after all.

Tomorrow is The Day.  Not that this is The Guy (as much as Maggie believes it is, after having seen the movie “Up”), but fuck.  I’m going on a Date.  Then another on Thursday or Friday. And again and again and again.  It’s like a romantic version of Prometheus, I’m subjected to torture again and again until finally my fire will be lit (ok, it’s backwards, I know, but you get my point).  The problem – well, one of the problems is this:  I do not want to meet a guy where I throw everything away again to simply be with him.  I missed out on music through two husbands.  I have finally found my people and I don’t want me to lose sight of them.  Funny sentence structure, I know, but me is the person who is willing to throw it all away.  I am the responsible one and I have to keep me in check, understand? This is why I wanted to meet a guy through the Hips shows.  Two birds, one stone.

Picture:  Do I even need to explain…and why am I suddenly getting nervous??  Hyperventilating, heart-rate is increasing, I can’t breathe!  I can’t breathe!!!!!  I kid…

In each relationship, in each of the many points in our lives, we are given the opportunity to become aware and open to new things.  Many times – actually more often than not, we miss these chances of seeing from a new perspective because it is difficult to open one’s self up to vulnerability.  Being this way, open and raw, is tough: it means admitting one’s shortcomings, what we did wrong, where we can improve.  It means taking responsibility.  I willingly (and usually very gratefully) do that.  Sometimes though,  I really hate that shit.  But oh, man, am I learning so much from my sisters.  I have a group of women – all in different “tribes”,  yet I connect with  them in such an amazing way, each one bringing an entirely different lesson to my table.

From one, I am learning about the art of freedom – about not being bound to what society says “should” be done – I must do what is right for me.  From another, I am learning  how to communicate – how to state exactly what I think and feel so it cannot be misinterpreted.  Do I actually do this?  Hell, no.  I am the QUEEN of cryptic and in turn, I take what ___ does/writes and make it fit what I need, but still – my sister is setting the example.  From another, I am learning the art of looking at many differing possibilities; that is X doesn’t work, Y might very well so.  From my lesson today, I learned about the mirror:  that which I am seeing in another (yes, I’m talking about you, ya fucker) are characteristics I carry myself.  (!!!)  However, I’m changing that.  I am taking steps to rock my world wide open in ways I have never experienced before and the mission takes off on Wednesday.  I also learned that being naked at a hot spring in the daytime is just as incredible as at night.

I have been on 3 dates in my life:  one was a movie date from a guy in college.  Epic fail.  The other two were blind dates on the same day – one for lunch, one for dinner.  They didn’t “fail” but I was not very impressed, thus, no more “dates” for me.  This second go-round on Match has been interesting.  I am meeting with several men for coffee.  It makes me nervous, but what the hell.  I like coffee, I like men.  Right??

This weekend I was heaven – lovely Calpine, CA with my musical family at a little fest called Hips High Camp.  I asked for help (a little) for the things I needed help with, I learned, from Colleen last week about strengthening my abs to help my back, I LIVED with ice packs on my back (I had dry ice in the bus’s cooler) and Chad made sure I had chairs in the front for the Hips shows.  I’m so, so thankful to everyone.

I also created many new friendships and nurtured others.  I learned things about people.  For example, a man I have said “hi” to for years showed me his AMAZING laser device which was the topic of many conversations this weekend.  He is brilliant!!  I finally met someone I have “known” on FB for years who lives in Portland.  I met a most precious woman who moved to the East Coast to help her grandmother and on and on and on.  I learned I really don’t have to be afraid of people.  Not these people, anyway.  So many look at me and think I’m so confident and unafraid, when in reality it is REALLY difficult to do all these things (which is everything) by myself.  Hence, I never dated and took the easy way out; I merely latched onto a relationship.  Well, that shit is about to change.  I love meaningful weekend days such as this one, capped off by nights of rocking with my favorite band.  Maggie is right – I can’t leave California because of my Mother Hips…right??

Picture: a child’s bicycle at Calpine fest.

It has been one week since I injured my back.  Maggie insisted I change my story, since hurting one’s self while brushing teeth isn’t very exciting.  To be fair, I’m quite surprised I wasn’t hurt during High Sierra, as hard as I was dancing during Anders Osborne…still, I can state without doubt that I was fine after the fest.  Once the muscle swelling went down, I was able to isolate the pain and saw I had re-torn my intervertebral disc.  I can still walk and “do things”, but the pain exhausts me, thus I end up sleeping a great deal.  It sucks and it’s weird.  Plus, my brain is fried.  I’m too tired to “write well” – so here’s a sucky post.

I have got to say – this Match thing is wickedly different than last time.  I am “in talks” with a musician whose last tour was with <insert one of the top rock bands in musical history>  and a (hot)33 year old (!!!).  Plus others.  I DO NOT want to stay in this area once kids are done with school, but for fun?  Why the hell not?  When you’ve had your fishing pole in the same lake for 4 years with no bites, it’s time to switch lakes.

A rough night of sleep – a lot of crunchy pain (the only way I can describe it).  This is gonna be tough because… I carried the full propane tank – 4 grocery bags (all at once) and I have to get heavy art supplies to Placerville today, then CP office tomorrow for work.  Plus I must to buy a 30 lb bag of dog food before Friday. I love living alone, but sometimes it sucks.   LordaMighty if I have to have surgery….

Back to Match.  If I read ONE MORE “Passionate about the outdoors” I will *literally* throw up in my mouth.  I should edit intro to “and I am passionate about cleaning up all the garbage  the other fuckers who are so passionate about the outdoors leave outside.” Meh. Prolly wouldn’t get as many likes or winks.

I am anxiously awaiting my next Hips adventure at Calpine.  I am nervous about my back, but…music heals, plus  many people have offered  to help me.  Thank god my bus is so comfy to sleep in.

Pictures: A drawing from a favorite artist; cloud angel-wings

I have a fan in my the window to bring in the cool air.  Yet in order to get “good airflow,”  the heavy  damask curtains are parted, hence my alarm clock was the sun  was streaming onto my face.  Throughout my life, I have lived been a night-owl, enjoying the comfort of darkness yet this morning, as I poured my coffee I realized that morning is my new favorite time of day.  These quiet moments and the smell of melted cheese as I prepare my first-ever breakfast nachos…well…there’s just nothing like it.

My first client in 2 weeks this morning and I was not happy. Not long ago I was in the hot, humid paradise.  A week ago (already??) I was in Quincy, having a Very Grand Time…and now?  I’m in Placerville…still, onward and forward.

Something Universally Spiritual happened today: I learned my newest colleague is an avid rock climber -she is new to the area, doesn’t know people and  has kids the age of mine (with correct genders).  Ummm…fuck yes?!?!?!!!

It was during/after my clients and all the chaos which ensued (as it always does at my workplace) that I remembered – I love this work – I deeply enjoy this needle-in-a-haystack-trying-to-make-a-difference work.  If I can’t be music-festing or scuba-diving, I might as well be working in a field I love.

I’m home – eating dinner, watching PnR, when I news posts begin to filter in from friends – another shooting. But this one is live…sniper shootings in Dallas upon officers at a peaceful protest against the two recent shootings in LA and MI of unarmed black men. Someone asked me recently why I wanted to move out of America so badly.  This is why: daily news of gun violence.  Citizens in the U.S. are 25 times more likely to die by gun violence than 22 other high-income countries (Source: American Journal of Medicine, Feb 1). This is nothing to be proud of.  The louder the voices get from the pro 2^nd Amendment supporters, the more violence ensues.  An interesting observation….

Picture: NBCDFW – my regularly watched news station 21 years ago when I lived in DFW.  Not a fun reunion, to be sure.

A brief recap of the last 2 plus weeks:

Mexico was simply grand; hot and humid, but ever-so-wonderful.  The resort was a paradise.  Scuba diving could not have been any better for us and Ethan fell in love with beach volleyball.  I met a man, with whom I discussed literature, travel and the socioeconomic status of minorities in Tennessee (where he lives) as a result of ethnicity, segregation and concentrated poverty. We exchanged phone numbers and will see. <smile>

High Sierra Music Festival was AMAZING; there were so many phenomenal  bands, the company was incredible, the pizza (which is primarily what I ate) was deelish.  I also danced my ass off, which, looking back, is somewhat embarrassing, but I *literally* cannot stop my body.  Exhausted, I would hobble after sets, but if music started up again, the groove took control.  It’s surely a curse of some kind.

I made it back to civilization after eating the best BLT in Sierraville, getting a chocolate chip cookie the size of Houston and semi-caravanning with Victoria until Donner Summit.  Boy-child was gone, Girl-child was gone until later that afternoon, so I cleaned out Lizzie and dreamt of food.  In Mexico, it was there for the taking.  At HSMF, it was available for purchase.  At home, there was little to nothing.

I picked up Mags that afternoon in Lizzie and we headed to a restaurant – which was closed.  So we headed to another, which was also closed.   Apparently, the 4^th of July is some sort of holiday in this country and there are no sit-down restaurants open for business in the Greater Placerville area.  Humph. So we headed to the store to purchase a frozen pizza and some salad.  Later that night I tweaked my back, which was no cause for concern as this happens often.  A night of sleep will make everything better and my goodness, did that bed feel good.  The next morning, however, after looking fine and fashionable, I was brushing my teeth when my back froze to the point where I could not move

Hence, the last 2 days have been spent in bed – moving a bit, but definitely no dancing.  Last night dinner and medicine was brought to me, as I sat in bed, by Brian and Lindsay, Sophia and Scott.  Today, after my supervisor gave me a ride to the doctor’s office,  the doctor prescribed anti-inflammatory, muscle relaxers and pain killers. She also told me to take it easy for a week.   Therefore, I am thinking a trip to SLO for the Hips on Saturday is not a wise idea, but I’ll see how I’m feeling tomorrow.  Above all, I must remember Calpine.

 

Pictures:  The kids in Playa before our first SCUBA dive; Grandstand Stage at HSMF – pre-CRB

Sososoooooohmygawdexcited…it was difficult to fall asleep last night.  Once I did fall asleep, I woke several times in anticipation.  At 7 something, I could sleep no more.  Today was the day!  Coffee, a banana and I was set.

The first mission was to pick up C. (my ex-mil) at the airport. Her flight was delayed – the pilots had been late getting to Ontario airport, so that set the schedule back a half hour or so and instead of picking the kids up before my noon-fifteen appointment, I waited until after.  Another spray tan session (I have still have one left in my package).  There is Joy, as petite and cute as can be with her appearing-to-be perfect body and cute trendy clothing…and there am I…Ali, in my body…and nothing else, but really –  it doesn’t bother me in the least.

Picked up kiddos and started to head home.  They hadn’t packed at all, but really – we had 8 hours until we left – plenty of time.  I was dying for a burrito from Que Viva and Ethan was, too.  They usually never give us menus because we get the same thing each and every time.   The cook there has a crush on me and wanted my phone number….<gulp> The cook who speaks no English with a wife back in Mexico.  Oh, nononono….  I told Freddy I’m not seeing anyone and to please tell the cook that.  I can’t – I don’t even want to stay here in this county!  I panic.  I hate these situations…really.

Home and I finished packing.  Got things done.  Asked the kids to get started, and at least The Boy started laundry, but that’s about where it ended.  The sloth had returned.  Mags was busy cleaning her room and packing, doing all sorts of non-requested helpful stuff.  Ethan was…well, he was Ethaning and I pray there isn’t a fire or some similar emergency as he may very well die if I am unable to throw him over my shoulders and  carry his slothy bod to safety.  Another classic Ethan move?  3 minutes before my mil is to arrive to take us to the airport, he lets me know he wanted to drop a letter he had written off at a friend’s house.  The synapses are simply not connecting.

C.showed up and we headed off to drop Father’s Day stuff at L’s house and then off to the airport. I stopped at the wrong terminal, because we are taking Delta but it’s an Aeromexico flight, so we walked to terminal B, along with many others who had made the same mistake.  An outside walk – following the green arrows through parking structures.  Weird.  When we got the terminal I saw my fellow passengers – but traveling in large families, very few couples or small groups.  It brings back fond memories of Texas.  The flight is delayed 40 minutes, which means Mexico City transfer will be shortened, but it should be fine as it was a 2.5 hour layover.  I’m tired..Ethan’s slothyness must have rubbed off a bit.

 

Pictures: A beautiful country scene as I pick up the kids; Someone is ready to head out; We are the only ones on the airport tram

 

Total vacay mode – not even one teeny thought of yoga (I still intend to do pushups at some point, though).  I love Saturday mornings and my coffee.  The only thing that would have made it better is rain.

LOTS to do!  Only…I don’t think there really is. I ate some breakfast. I did a load of laundry, sorted two sets of clothes – one for Mexico, one for High Sierra.  I cleaned the Mac.  I hand washed the wet suits and hung them out to dry. I contacted a Scuba site in PDC – it’s owned by a German man, so I wrote in German.   I did other stuff.  Don’t really remember what.

I did have to drive the bus and get a few things done.  I had the opportunity  to help out someone I know who was in somewhat of a crisis.  Headed to the mechanics to see if there was a way to adjust the mirrors & Drew let me go in the back and dig for old parts.  Sadly, none fit, but after a while, he found a way to make the new after-market mirrors work for me.  Now to contact my Hips contact Nathan in Davis and see about the other projects I have planned for Lizzie.  Switched my phone plan so that all use in Mexico is free.

Got all of my other trip things done (yikes, not really – I just remembered a few things) and headed out for my first mani-pedi since my wedding.  I don’t do manicures, but the guy said I should go all out since it’s vacation time.  Green vacation toes and green vacation fingernails!!!  When I got home I even put on another symbolic ring and the leather cuff Kristi made, I’m feelin’ fancy.

Home – to a response in German from Klaus – who said next week’s weather will be better and told me how to make scuba arrangements (cenote, PDC and Cozumel package sound good).  Ya know – the “have tos” aren’t that important anymore.  We have passports packed, the kids will pack tomorrow after I pick them up from dads – we’ll head to the airport late at night and hopefully sleep a bit on this red-eye flight to Mexico.  One more wake-up.

Picture:  WickedTree watches the wet suits.