All night long, my back was seared by pain. The cool thing was that I had some wicked dreams – one of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” dreams where every time I changed positions to ease my pain, the story shifted. Soon the night came to a close and I was up, before the light. I looked over the horizon and saw that bright red from the impending sun, slashing through the darkened clouds like a newly-cut wound. I won’t miss this house, but I will miss this view and, of course, my Wicked Tree, dreadfully.
Tuesdays and Wednesdays are my busy gotta-get-the-kids-to-school-quickly-so-I-can-make-it-up-the-mountain-by 8:30. I enjoy being at a school site – actually I like being at any site and at this point, I’m spread a bit thin: 3 (soon-to-be 4) school sites and both of our clinic’s facilitie
s, but I enjoy it. I am hoping to also soon be leading those groups (haven’t spoken to the clinical director since she suggested it) as well as helping my supervisor with Incredible Years. It would be a terrific opportunity to more effectively learn additional methods in working with troubled kids. The great thing about kids with differing issues is there are more than one way to skin a cat, so having as much in my tool belt as I can is a plus.
Because I don’t work on Monday, I forgot it was Tuesday, which meant today was The Day of Steve’s retirement gathering. Steve is a man unlike anyone I have met before. He was, at one time, executive director of where I work. It is also because of this man that CASA in El Dorado County was started; Big Brothers/Big Sisters got their beginnings in this county from this man, as well. He is indescribable and now, he is gone. I did manage to catch a promise from him that we will meet once a month at Denny’s to enjoy a Grand Slam and keep me from insanity. Today, as we were saying farewell, Steve told me I was a “very unique individual,” which meant a great deal to me. I think he meant it both in a funny way and affectionately – or maybe he saw a little of himself in me? It’s the crazy ones that always keep me sane. I had more fun with pranks and all –around tomfoolery (wow, it’s great to finally be able to use that phrase) with Steve. I can’t wait til our Denny’s date.
So here’s the sitch with these fancy-schmancy Coldwater Creek (or whatever the hell it’s called) garments. The fancy tops make my pits all sweaty, which is weird because they are so gauzy and minimal. Granted, I don’t need to concern myself with “Whom-So-Ever” getting too close to catch a wretched whiff of my body’s scent (though I do deodorantize (new word!) and apply scented lotion; since my work site is scent-free, one must get creative), but still – I catch my own drift, if ya know what I’m putting down. Nooo likey. To add more fuel to the fire, the built-in bralet in my cammy doubled up on bra-nessisity (new word!) as I was already wearing a real bra and my poor boobs were going crazy by 1:30. Too much is too much for these ladies, who prefer freedom in every sense of the word. Come to think of it, my breasts remind me of Janis Joplin.
In all seriousness, I would like to mention that I was very touched by the texts and private messages I received today regarding my cannabis card/salve issue. Yes, I “ingest” the Norco, but have such issue in smoking because of where I’ve been. Do I see the ludicroussity (new word!) in this? Ohhellyes, but I’m not there…not now. Here is what I know. I am a fucking alcoholic because I have experienced the hell (both in my 20s when I was homeless because of my choices, as well as in my 30s, when I was a prisoner in my own perdition. I can state unequivocally that I never like getting high, even in my drinking days, so honestly, I’m not worried because it isn’t something that works for me. Something that makes me nervous (and is the reason behind my joining NA about 7 years ago when I was on Norco the first time for my back) is that I am fully aware the number one reason for people slipping back to drinking is because of addiction to pain pills. This is why I told my doctor and I tell those around me what I am taking. I am honest with myself (and oh my GAWD, but this is the hardest thing to do!!). The most I have ever taken in one day was six (spread out over the evening) and was at Dead and Company while standing in the pit for the whole show. So I think I’m doing ok, “just for today”. To those who are doing what they do (I’m talking to you, Rachel), I thank you!!
Pictures: The New Morning shelter pitched in and bought Steve a fig tree as a parting gift. I got him a box of Life cereal (so he could enjoy his life) and a roll of kitten duct tape (I don’t knwo why, it seemed to scream “STEVE!”. I joke with him, but man, that guy is so damn special to me. My Tuesday’s will never be the same again; Two different salves from Rachel. Thank you, angel.
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