July 19, 2016

I am that person who cannot find her car keys, having lost them between the time I backed the car up from in-front of the garage so I could move the bus back in (2 days ago), then moved the car back to its rightful place again.  I can’t lock the front door, so I just stand there and make a “locking sound” as I pretend to turn the key.  Yes.  I’m that person.

Today was the first day back at work since Calpine.  I shan’t lie.  I dosed up pretty well on pain meds there, plus I had the comfort (and joy) of my dry-ice ice-packs.  Saturday night when I “jumped onstage” – Norco and adrenaline were managing my pain well.  Yesterday I went without anything to the doctor’s visit so I could tell her specifically where it hurt.  PT starts Thursday and I took some meds as soon as I got home.  This morning was a whole other monster with work.

A difficult scenario at work with an extremely sensitive issue.  There are not many juveniles who choose a life of doing the wrong thing in order to make relationships with family difficult, who wish to go to a detention facility, who find that life is just so much better when county government services such as CPS  and law enforcement are frequently involved in your life, managing as much of it as they possibly can.  What kid wouldn’t like that in their life, right?  When adolescents have grown up in a difficult home (abuse, neglect, drug-addicted parents, etc.) they learn tools to survive and then they end up in offices like mine or juvenile hall.  It’s not a fun trip.  Next time you come across a little punk…often there is a story behind it and it isn’t a very nice one.

My balloon just burst.  I don’t think Scott was pointing at me, after all.

Tomorrow is The Day.  Not that this is The Guy (as much as Maggie believes it is, after having seen the movie “Up”), but fuck.  I’m going on a Date.  Then another on Thursday or Friday. And again and again and again.  It’s like a romantic version of Prometheus, I’m subjected to torture again and again until finally my fire will be lit (ok, it’s backwards, I know, but you get my point).  The problem – well, one of the problems is this:  I do not want to meet a guy where I throw everything away again to simply be with him.  I missed out on music through two husbands.  I have finally found my people and I don’t want me to lose sight of them.  Funny sentence structure, I know, but me is the person who is willing to throw it all away.  I am the responsible one and I have to keep me in check, understand? This is why I wanted to meet a guy through the Hips shows.  Two birds, one stone.

Picture:  Do I even need to explain…and why am I suddenly getting nervous??  Hyperventilating, heart-rate is increasing, I can’t breathe!  I can’t breathe!!!!!  I kid…