October 27, 2017

Were it not for the plethora of resources and knowledge I’ve been granted access to on the behaviors of adolescents,  I’d surely have him committed.  From the dig-in-yer-heels-til-she-blows actions (Wednesday night) to the completion in cleaning out the entire garage (he was never asked to do so) yesterday then finding and hanging a fluorescent light “he had just happened to find” left behind by previous owners….  I may have given semi-birth to him (he was a c-section baby), but this child is all his own.

And yet…I question myself in my responses to so many things, one of these being the friends of my kids.  I’ve not become the mom I wanted to be when I was an adolescent. As “accepting” and “tolerant” as I may be of people, I sure as hell don’t like the feelings I get in my gut when some of these friends are over, j-chillin’ with the kids (primarily Boy-child, but also with Girl).  My sanctuary has been invaded and my body responds accordingly – tension, fire in ma belly, then I raise my voice a lot and have to make up excuses like being stressed over work.  For a transparent person such as myself who likes to be honest, this type of rationale is a tough one.

On to bigger and better!  Today is the second day of Hangtown Halloween Music Fest, but first day for me, since I was too tired and too in love to get off Face Time and head over to the show(s) last night.  I would be seeing and hanging out with my Best Fest Friend, Rickey, who is one of the Site 9 folks from Hipnic.  He and I were the only two from our core group of 5 at Hipnic last year, then we saw much of High Sierra together, so we are continuing the trend.  Rickey also allows me to light his cigarettes.  As someone who doesn’t drink alcohol, do drugs, and quite smoking 20 years ago (March 17, 1997), these mini-head rushes from his American Spirits do the trick and I feel at one with the hippies.  It’s the little things….

However, Rickey soon left me to go rest up for his beer crew shift, promising to meet me when Dark Star Orchestra played in a little over an hour and a half.  As someone who has been doing concerts and fests alone the whole time, it’s not a big deal.  Yet I, after my long, busy,  work day and having  That Guy On The Phone with me, decided I’d rather head home just as soon as That Guy On The Phone accompanied me to the grocery store.  Wearing my AirPods, I forget I look like I’m talking to… no one.  There I go, answering loudly, and giggling like a school girl.  Several looks  (and knowing smiles…did they think I was high?  Do they know I’m in love?  What?!?!  Isn’t it kinda the same thing????) later, I’m out, sitting in the car and headed home.

A successful week comes to an end – work has been quite productive and tickets have been purchased for my flight back to Texas in a few weeks.  Options are being looked at as more “y’alls” and “fixin’ ta’s” begin creeping back into my vernacular.  Timing is so interesting.  In Texas for the first 24 years, in about three years (when youngest is done with high school)  it’ll be about the same amount of time in California.  I wonder where I’ll be for next 24.

Pictures: So, here’s the sitch: AS USUAL, technology is giving me a fine mid-finger salute, in that the methods I’ve used thus far to insert new pictures isn’t working, so here are  two old/unused pics which happened to be available.  One of me when I was 26ish and one of the kids when I put them a life-saving class of BADASSERY.   I, for one, would not fuck with them.

P.S. Overalls will ALWAYS kick ass.